Reading everyones livejournal just makes me feel like a loser.
i know i chose to come home but i will never get the college experience.
everyone is going out and volunteering and having their own places.
i still live at home and i still have the same job. I feel like school is taking forever and i will NEVER get my AA. idk.

I love being down in south florida but maybe ill feel better if i have my own place and my own life.

i want to start making art.
I want to join an art class or start doing arts and crafts again!

Well let's see where I can begin.

I bought a new car and traded in Barney with the cash for clunkers rebate. I bought a 2009 silver honda fit sport.

I have been working like a dog.

I have fallen in love with Gregory and the hawk.

BCC dropped all my classes because i owed 91 dollar, but i had them fix my schedule and fix everything. Gosh BCC is so ridiculous.

I'll be leaving for ft.meyers on thurs. and coming home sunday. I need a damn break!

Idk what else is new.

I need some rest, I'm being bitchy.

so i've decided im g0ing on a diet.

starting monday.
i'm planning on doing a detox first. eekk.

I wish i was like the kids who traveled to European countries in the summer.

i think i'm going to delete my lj.

Life is too short to be posting stupid things on here.

Johns birhday was so much fun. we went to the zoo and stuff and then went to chilis. then we went to vixs house for some more partying.




=]

on the other hand, work is still busy. I haven't had a day off in a while. my hours are still up in the 40 range so, its kinda stressful.

i guess everyone is having financial issues, but it is really hitting hard here at home.

=/

i love that jenn and kasey are home, i love hanging out with them. Del will be home in like 2 weeks!
=]]

one!

so this semester i got 3 A's and B!
=]

Man i miss having my friends here. i love itt.

You have no idea how much i hate the fact that tie dye has become so popular.

jeez.
its quite funny how i don't wear it anymore.

It seems there is a black cloud following me this week. I've been stressed out with finals this week. I had a 1500 word paper due last wednesday, and he gave us another one due this wednesday.
My car is in the shop because something cracked in the engine. Since we are having financial issues, my mom can't help me pay for my car to get fixed.
I saved up soooo much money. But now it is all gone. ugh. I'm so upset.

I have to finish this paper, i only have like 300 more words, but i don't know any of this. I hate aristotle. jfbnrjkgnbwlkrgnwkoetlnbwtltknb
and tomorrow i have my last test. then i can finally breathe.

Today was just delightful. John and I, along with some of our friends.

Normally i wear my strapless one piece, but today i decided to wear my bikini.
All girls have their insecurities about their bodies. I have a tummy, so i really dont feel all too comfortable wearing a bikini.
i have never felt so beatiful, john told me how surprised he was that i wore my 2 piece. he said that he was proud that i could be comfortable in my own skin.
idk it just felt so great.

i won't use your name so i will call you girl.

i feel speechless. but yet i have words that are undescribable.
you need to make a life for yourself and get out of that terrible relationship in which you call love. That relationship is not love. instead it is a relationship of comfort. You are too good for him. i have talked with you for hours and you have the biggest heart i have ever seen. but him, he is scum and he is dragging you down.

get your GED, go to beauty school, and make something for your life.
i have faith in you, i respect you. But for the man who swears he is the alpha male, i have no respect for him, to me he is scum. He swore i hated him, yet i have no energy nor do i have time to hate him. sure i hated the way he treated you, the way he abused you and taunted you, how he ruins and runs your life, which is so full of dreams, the way he drags you down, and the way he sees hisself.

I never hated him. he doesn't even deserve the respect for me to hate him. i see him as a molecule that shit is made up of.

he does not deserve the love and passion you only long to give him. he deserves a misreable bitch who gives him hell. he cheats on you, yet you forgive him and stay with him.

Please leave him, the people who you call your friends and the ones who call you a friend will remain a friend. I know i will, considering he is scum and less than shit. Grow some will power girl, i know you can do it.

I hope you read this. i really do, for you are one to conquer the world.

i honestly think that after i get my BA in teaching i'm going to sign up for the peace corps. I hope john does too because i can't see myself going alone.

I've started saving some money so i can hacve extra if i need it. I plan on going to Israel next summer with karli with birthright.

idk, life is good.
i honestly only need a few people in my life. Kasey, Del, & Jenn, john, my family, and eventually the new friends i will make. I don't neet to be wasting time and effort on people who could care less about me.

screw the rest.

I feel lifeless and dead.
Like a corpse rotting underneath planet earth.
I can't even think, breathe, blink.
I sit here alone.
Waiting.

This was all my fault.

I can't believe i even called you my best friend through out highschool. You didn't even call me once, nor texted to even have lunch,or better yet even a quick stop to say hi.
I guess I thought more of you and I am incredibly disappointed in our friendship. I take fault for not calling, but when I do, you are normally busy.

The one night i call you because i needed to talk, a girl came over and you decided that flirting around was way more important. Thanks for making me feel even more like shit that night.

I swore i had a good handful of friends, good friends at that, but i take it back.
I have 2. Both live far away, and its amazing how i manage to keep a great relationship with them. Better yet, we've kept it that way since they graduated.

I hate broken promises. I hate even more the fact that you couldn't care any less about me. Best friends, yeah right.

Anyway, things are great. 5 months are approaching and I couldn't be anymore slammed with school and work. I have been super overwhelmed and I barely have time to even blink.

<3

so i suck as i friend.
i guess.

you've been my best friend for 18 years. when will you stop disappointing me?

i guess sometimes we all make mistakes.
you wasted so much of my time and energy and i feel so stupid for not realizing it then.
but you, have shown me that i can find better.
why do you have to bother me with your text messages? you don't talk to me for months and then ask me how i'm doing? like you care.

im happy. why is it so shocking to you that i have a boyfriend?
maybe because you thought i was easy and vulnerable. well, you thought wrong.

i've given myself up to a person i've fallen completely in love with and someone i plan on being with forever.

i wish i could put you on mute and you would leave me alone forever, because you left me with a hole in my heart and then proceeded to smash what was left into miniscule pieces all over the place.

so thank you john for picking those up, and helping me become whole again.

and for you, go find another girl to fuck, because you my friend, you frankly never had a chance with me. and if you did you really fucked that up.
and i hope you regret it.

Monday started the week off. Not only was it the first day of the week, but it was mine and Johns three month anniversay.

Saturday was Valentines Day, John was too impatient to wait until Saturday, so he insisted on doing this on Friday. Remind you, it was Friday the 13th.








im too lazy to rotate

I really don't want to get ahead of myself, but what if this really lasts?

You make me laugh, and I absolutely love that.
I never want to leave you, separation is good, but I hate parting with you.
As different as we are, it doesn't matter, you make me happy.
I love how you always call me beautiful.
You treat me like a princess.

I've never felt this way about anyone before. It is almost our 3 month and I'm already thinking way ahead of myself. I hate doing this. I just see us getting married, and having little jewish/dominican/el salvadorian/white babies. It is even more reassuring that you want what I want, because you are always telling me, we will be together forever.

I sure hope everything stays like this. Everything is just great. Looking at you makes me smile, and when I'm waiting for you, I get butterflies.

I think I've fallen in love and I can't get out. But hey, it's a really awesome feeling. <3
I love you.